Thursday, February 9, 2012
Last blogged @ 8:57 PM

Shit happens, yet again.

So tired of getting frustrated, and ending up in tears everytime i talk about it.

说是不在乎... But in the end, it still matters so much to me.

What do you mean by asking me not to complicate issues and not make you stressed? What about me? My feelings? Getting rejected like as though i'm not worth anyone's time and effort.

I know i cannot blame anyone, but i certainly can blame you, the school.

This feels like a joke. I feel like a joke. I feel like i'm being treated like a joke. My life's being manipulated. I can't make decisions.

All i get is coaxing by a lecturer who just wants me to shut up and follow instructions.

I tried so hard to not breakdown cos there were so many people around. I needed to show that i was fine about it. I know this is not a big deal, but deep down, it affected me more than anyone else thought it would.

I wanted so much to confront someone about such stupid decisions. What did they treat me as? What was i? Yet, at the end of the day, i realise i'm always so vulnerable, scared to retaliate.

In the end, i try so hard to tell myself not to cry, yet unknowingly, i still do. In front of the boyfriend, in front of mum. And i hate how i feel so useless to be put down by such setbacks.

Can't believe how i'm going to spend my next 6 long months in an environment i totally cannot imagine myself to be in.

Makes me feel like i'm an alternative, how this company is an alternative, thrown to the back of an alley, like where this company is right situated.

Things may not even be that bad, maybe i'm just too pessimistic. But... Truthfully speaking, it just hurts too much when reality is of such vast difference from anticipation and expectations.

已经有所期待，但最后只有失望.

Sigh...

Need positive vibes.

Not being selfish, but it's so difficult to be happy for others at this point of time.

Just gotta live with it.

Pray for me.