Saturday, February 18, 2012
Last blogged @ 1:34 AM

I want a best friend.

I've got many good friends, but I don't think I have a best friend.

Never ever, as far as I can remember.

It kinda makes me sad and jealous of other people who can talk to their friends all night, about anything and everything.When they have troubles, they know there's someone there for them.They have occasional arguments. They would go an extra mile for them.

I keep thinking of people who might be in the same situation as me, yet I don't seem to find any. Really?

I'm not saying that I'm deprived of friendship. The feeling's just different, I guess.

Not saying that I can't relate my troubles to anyone, not saying that there's no one there for me when I need them. I don't generally keep things to myself, yet, when I need someone to confide in one-to-one, it seems like there isn't anyone I can turn to.

Wow, sounds like I'm wallowing myself in self-pity.

I think I'm terrible at maintaining relationships with friends. I'm probably very willing to put in a lot to sustain a friendship when everyone's all close to each other, even more than what I would give to myself.
After awhile, everyone gets tired making plans, but not being able to meet up, and generally just don't bother to in the end. Then slowly, all communication is broken off. So what do we call this? From good friends to...? Been the case since kindergarten till now. I remember their names, the things we do. Do they even remember?

How is it that even though best friends don't have to meet for a long period of time, yet still maintain such good rapport with each other? Yet, I only end up losing connection with my "good friends".

Maybe only because they bother putting in the effort. While I sit on the fence and wait for people to approach me.

Sad case, really.

But deep down, I've still wanted a best friend.

Not like after this post is being published, I'm going to gain a best friend. Don't think I will have one in the near future either.

I'm not discontented with my social life. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm grateful for all the friends I have with me now. And my boyfriend whom I believe I can always turn to.

I'm not trying to be all emotional. Just penning down some thoughts which I would have done so long before, but just forgot to.

Personal opinion, really.