Hate how I laze my evenings away, and realise how many things I could have accomplished, the next day.

I'm perpetually stuck in a vicious cycle. Promises, motivation, then I break all of them.

Finally received some form of news from Pico. 

This entire saga on internship has made me come to terms that results ain't really everything.

No doubt, they are important, and I'm glad that I have been achieving above average results thus far. 

Yet, I am highly in doubt of my actual ability to even carry out the simplest task on the job when I step out into society. 

I know whenever people say that, they get called hypocrites, because if anyone said this to me, I would have reacted the same way. But truthfully...

These results do not prove anything. All I have to do is put in slightly more effort, memorise a little harder, and the marks are achievable. But at the end of the day, I learn and I forget. I think that's really sad. 

I fear that in reality, I'm actually not as good as anyone would think. 

Not trying to get emotional, but...

Sigh, esteem needs.

I need a constant self reminder that, I'm not that bad. 

And sometimes I wonder, why I seem to be lacking of EQ as I grow older. It's becoming quite a challenge to me to keep up with conversation with acquaintances. I find myself so often, in a socially awkward situation that makes me uncomfortable. Why is it that it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to carry myself normally. 

I think it's because of self-consciousness. Being conscious of how people look at me, how people view me, what people think of me. 

It seems like I'm in the process of discovering myself. Kinda interesting, yet scary at times. 

Meh, I need a break.

Friday, please arrive soon.